safeguards:

when i’m telling a story and a friend interrupts:

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coelacanthteeth:

never ever apologize to me for your dog being too excited to see me

a dog could knock me to the ground and give me a black eye and I would still hug it and love it because dogs hurt because they love too much I love dogs

ohblainers:

If you ever think your parents are too hard on you just remember that Mufasa materialized as a cloud to tell Simba to get his shit together.

imaginefallout:

IN CLASS TODAY THIS KID GOT IN TROUBLE FOR READING WHILE THE TEACHER WAS LECTURING SO THE TEACHER TOOK HIS BOOK AND WHEN THE TEACHER TURNED AROUND HE PULLED OUT ANOTHER COPY OF THE SAME FUCKING BOOK

whorizonwireless:

you are currently a ‘basic bitch’ please upgrade to ‘premium bitch’ for only 3 payments of $19.95

thekatitube:

DOES ANYONE ELSE GET LIKE REALLY HAPPY WHEN SOMEONE LEANS THEIR HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDER AND YOURE LIKE FUCK YEAH IVE BEEN CHOSEN AND YOU FEEL REALLY SPECIAL BUT THEN YOU HAVE TO STAY SO FUCKIBG STILL COS IF YOU MOVE THEYLL STOP LEANING ON YOU AND ITS LIKE NO COME BACK IM SORRRRYUWYY

crash-mcbarason:

"i love your art, what program do you use?"

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baracknobama:

u still use a nokia?? haha loser btw how was bingo night did u remember to take ur medication?